self-help
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Back to the Catch-Up Game
Dear Conscience, My work trip went fine. It went well actually. I didn’t use the time outside of meetings and conferences to get ahead. But the actual meetings went well despite lack of preparation, so I should be satisfied. I also am satisfied with certain purchases I made. Overall, ok. Though I am exhausted, returning… Continue reading
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Too Tired to Be Inspired
Dear Conscience, I’m in a monumental city. I’m walking through streets full of history and culture. A bustling city, full of beauty, sound, and flavor. This usually inspires me. But this moment doesn’t feel monumental. I think I’m too tired to feel inspired. Instead of feeling bold, I feel lazy. Instead of being overcome with… Continue reading
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Recuperate
Dear Conscience, Today I recuperate. I rest. I gather my thoughts. I plan a way forward. Sincerely, B. Continue reading
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Unprepared for Battle
Dear Conscience, Today and tomorrow I’m spending all day at a conference. I’m tied and unprepared, and uneasy about having left my daughter with my husband before she completely recovered (though she’s doing better). I’ll try to be present and use the conference well. Not in the right mindset for it, but hopefully I’ll manage… Continue reading
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Dilemma is a Heavy Burden
Dear Conscience, It’s just rants these days. Each of the last three days, which started already by me thinking I’m maximally overloaded, added yet another heavy burden on my aching shoulders. And not just any kind of burden. Not just some extra work that needs to get done. But big new life dilemmas with long… Continue reading
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Add a Toddler to Both Sides of the Equation
Dear Conscience, My baby daughter is sick again. After just one week of finishing the antibiotic treatment for her last illness. She’s sleeping on my chest now, I’m exhausted and worried, and all I care about is for her to be well again. This is just as I’m supposed to go for a first work… Continue reading
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Two Steps Forward, One Step Back
Dear Conscience, So here’s a little reflection on this week. It’s been a bit of a slump compared to the earlier period. But only a slump. I haven’t fallen to the bottom of the pit, as I usually do at the first sign of struggle. I’ve accepted that progress is not linear, and I think… Continue reading
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Where Is My Trendline Pointing to?
Dear Conscience, This morning I caved into my worst urges. I woke up feeling a little hopeless, due to some difficult conversations with my husband about our family’s future. And then then it was easy to fall for the trigger – the news online spoke about a disastrous shooting, showed more footage from a devastating… Continue reading
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Calls With Friends
Dear Conscience, As I might have listed previously, I’m bad at very many things. But one thing I’m relatively good at, is keeping friendships. Keeping friendships takes time, and I do not regret my time spent on it. I genuinely appreciate the many people I’ve had the opportunity to call friends in life, who are… Continue reading
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Don’t Jump Ahead
Dear Conscience, I have to stop my mind from jumping ahead. Nothing will ever get done if I don’t focus on what’s in front of me. Yes, some planning and vision is needed. But this takes too much of my mindspace, fantasizing about something that’s months or years away (and maybe even not in the… Continue reading
About Me
I got my first nickname when I was 4 years old. It was “bakitza”, which means ‘an old lady’. I’ve always been an old lady on the inside. And as I progress towards being an old lady on the outside too, I want to take control of this journey. To reach the full fledged bakitza level with a peace of mind I always associated with that life stage. I thought it would come on it’s own with age. But now I realize that I have to take control over the mess that my life currently is in order to be a thoroughly satisfied bakitza one day.
Becoming Bakitza 