self-help
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2nd Check-In (11 A.M.)
Dear Conscience, I am in need of a bit more intense support at this time. I had been writing to you once daily to check in, but now as I am trying to move up from my downward spiral, I will try making quick check-ins throughout the day, to have you along with me in Continue reading
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Finding the Bottom of My Spiral (6 A.M.)
Dear Conscience, I am spiraling. It is 6am. I haven’t slept since 3am. I think it’s existential financial dread of the future, which somehow gets extra triggered by external circumstances that show me how my inaction is leaving me further behind. Right now probably it’s the Bitcoin fever. Yet another boat I missed. Or the Continue reading
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The Work – Anxiety – Procrastination Puzzle
Dear Conscience, I realized that having to work is causing me anxiety. And this anxiety is what causes me to procrastinate on it. Now that my main current focus is on actually spending my time working, I realize that I procrastinate by daydreaming about winning lottery and not having to work at all. Literally, I Continue reading
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4th Rule – Work
Dear Conscience, The second week of 2024 started. After having concluded that my 3 basic rules are somewhat ingrained now, today is when I have to get serious with my 4th rule — work full days on workdays. Today started shaky, it is 11a.m. and I haven’t really started yet. So I won’t spend too Continue reading
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Up From a Bad Start
Dear Conscience, The first week of 2024 is over, and it wasn’t what I had hoped for it to be. Instead of setting myself up for a good start, I’ve been threading water. But I want to head into next week with a positive attitude, so today I’ll reflect back and give myself some credit. Continue reading
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Stop and Shelter
Dear Conscience, Today I’m trying to not overthink, and work with what I have. I’m at home with my daughter, monitoring her health state and playing with her. And trying to multitask to clean up a bit. Whether the cleaning is going at a faster pace than creation of new mess, I cannot tell. But Continue reading
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Stuck in the Tunnel
Dear Conscience, Nothing left to do but start climbing back out of a ditch. Again. And again. And over and over again. I’m calmer today than yesterday. But I seems to have these dips too often, and they make more damage than what I manage to fix in between them. So at moments like this, Continue reading
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New Year, Old Me
Dear Conscience, If yesterday was a reality check, today was a blow. Mistakes of wasting time usually cost more than I perceive at the time. Today my husband got sick with COVID, which means me and my daughter might get sick too. But either way, I had to take care of both of them at Continue reading
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Reality Check
Dear Conscience, I wanted to start 2024 strong, so I made ambitious plans, completely ignoring the fact that I would be jet-lagged this first week. And not only jet-lagged myself, but also caring for a jet-lagged toddler. My plans don’t involve any self care, don’t assume any weakness, and then reality hits, and I fail. Continue reading
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Get Going
Dear Conscience, Yesterday I started making a plan for the first week of 2024, but I was very tired, so I continued adding To-Dos today. I definitely need to learn planning and prioritizing better, because my lists quickly get too long and overwhelming. I tend to add more quickly than check off, so I permanently Continue reading
About Me
I got my first nickname when I was 4 years old. It was “bakitza”, which means ‘an old lady’. I’ve always been an old lady on the inside. And as I progress towards being an old lady on the outside too, I want to take control of this journey. To reach the full fledged bakitza level with a peace of mind I always associated with that life stage. I thought it would come on it’s own with age. But now I realize that I have to take control over the mess that my life currently is in order to be a thoroughly satisfied bakitza one day.
Becoming Bakitza 