anxiety
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Calm With Forecast of Anxiety
Dear Conscience, Today was a lovely day with my daughter. We spent a lot of time outside, playing, exploring, and relaxing. And we even managed to run a load of laundry and a load of dishes, as well as change the bed sheets. Maybe it doesn’t sound like much, but it was one of the Continue reading
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Procrastifear
Dear Conscience, I am not doing very well. This existential angst comes over me, and it is paralyzing. My recent days of reviewing my core habits was just a feel-good exercise to make me feel like I am in control. But I am not. I am afraid of underperforming at work, and this fear is Continue reading
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Getting Trapped in the Yo-Yo Effect
Dear Conscience, I am mentally better, but already seeing how that causes me to relax my discipline. And despite feeling less desperate emotionally, it doesn’t mean that I can automatically afford to relax. It’s a yo-yo effect. I get myself into a bad state, which first causes me to despair. Then it motivates me to Continue reading
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Finding the Bottom of My Spiral (6 A.M.)
Dear Conscience, I am spiraling. It is 6am. I haven’t slept since 3am. I think it’s existential financial dread of the future, which somehow gets extra triggered by external circumstances that show me how my inaction is leaving me further behind. Right now probably it’s the Bitcoin fever. Yet another boat I missed. Or the Continue reading
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The Work – Anxiety – Procrastination Puzzle
Dear Conscience, I realized that having to work is causing me anxiety. And this anxiety is what causes me to procrastinate on it. Now that my main current focus is on actually spending my time working, I realize that I procrastinate by daydreaming about winning lottery and not having to work at all. Literally, I Continue reading
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Gloomy
Dear Conscience, I feel heavy today. In part, the weather is gloomy, so maybe that contributes to my heavy mood. But in general, I just sometimes feel that I need to see some progress to remain hopeful that I will get to lead an enjoyable life. I don’t know yet why I seem to not Continue reading
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To Get Things Done, I Need to Do Them Slooowly
Dear Conscience, It’s Monday, and it’s day 7 of my streak of writing to you. I don’t feel ready to move on from tackling the topic of time, but it’s a good time to add another element to the same topic. And this element is slowness. I used to think that in order to get Continue reading
About Me
I got my first nickname when I was 4 years old. It was “bakitza”, which means ‘an old lady’. I’ve always been an old lady on the inside. And as I progress towards being an old lady on the outside too, I want to take control of this journey. To reach the full fledged bakitza level with a peace of mind I always associated with that life stage. I thought it would come on it’s own with age. But now I realize that I have to take control over the mess that my life currently is in order to be a thoroughly satisfied bakitza one day.
Becoming Bakitza 