calm
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Calm With Forecast of Anxiety
Dear Conscience, Today was a lovely day with my daughter. We spent a lot of time outside, playing, exploring, and relaxing. And we even managed to run a load of laundry and a load of dishes, as well as change the bed sheets. Maybe it doesn’t sound like much, but it was one of the Continue reading
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Course Correction
Dear Conscience, It is not going well. I have been on the phone with government bureaucracy all morning. I want to cry. I have not done anything that I wanted to do. I have not started the week well. I need to course correct, but I am so irritated and on the burst of crying Continue reading
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A Panicked Brain Seeks Relief
Dear Conscience, The most important thing is to keep a cool head. When I start to panic, I lose rationality. A panicked brain seeks relief. Quick relief is usually the “go-to vice”. Mine is procrastination. I do not benefit from quick relief. I benefit from calm. This should be my mantra. Sincerely, B. Continue reading
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A Moment of Calm
Dear Conscience, I’m sitting in a coffee shop, waiting for my car to be done at the mechanics. This is one of those unexpected pauses where I can do nothing but wait. Just me and my phone. And yet, I’m not scrolling. I’m writing to you, because I am finally having some initial success in Continue reading
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The Last-Minute Scramble
Dear Conscience, Last night I was up until 2am finishing something for a deadline. A deadline I knew about for two months now. The task wasn’t so time-consuming as such, but it involved a lot of tiny decisions. So every time I wanted to start on it, I postponed making a little decision, and left Continue reading
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I Want to Feel Calm and Fulfilled
Dear Conscience, What’s all this self improvement effort for? What do I actually want to achieve? Clearly I want to feel better, but there are also people who have clean homes and thick retirement accounts, yet also feel unhappy. I read the other day that you need to find what you’re actually seeking for by Continue reading
About Me
I got my first nickname when I was 4 years old. It was “bakitza”, which means ‘an old lady’. I’ve always been an old lady on the inside. And as I progress towards being an old lady on the outside too, I want to take control of this journey. To reach the full fledged bakitza level with a peace of mind I always associated with that life stage. I thought it would come on it’s own with age. But now I realize that I have to take control over the mess that my life currently is in order to be a thoroughly satisfied bakitza one day.
Becoming Bakitza 