panic
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A Panicked Brain Seeks Relief
Dear Conscience, The most important thing is to keep a cool head. When I start to panic, I lose rationality. A panicked brain seeks relief. Quick relief is usually the “go-to vice”. Mine is procrastination. I do not benefit from quick relief. I benefit from calm. This should be my mantra. Sincerely, B. Continue reading
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Finding the Bottom of My Spiral (6 A.M.)
Dear Conscience, I am spiraling. It is 6am. I haven’t slept since 3am. I think it’s existential financial dread of the future, which somehow gets extra triggered by external circumstances that show me how my inaction is leaving me further behind. Right now probably it’s the Bitcoin fever. Yet another boat I missed. Or the Continue reading
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Inertia and Panic
Dear Conscience, It’s been a few bad days… I made some rash financial decisions, which will now cost me money. This shows that I’m panicking. And panic response just digs me in deeper. Then I feel stupid and guilty, and I externalize those emotions at home with my family. It also shows why I need Continue reading
About Me
I got my first nickname when I was 4 years old. It was “bakitza”, which means ‘an old lady’. I’ve always been an old lady on the inside. And as I progress towards being an old lady on the outside too, I want to take control of this journey. To reach the full fledged bakitza level with a peace of mind I always associated with that life stage. I thought it would come on it’s own with age. But now I realize that I have to take control over the mess that my life currently is in order to be a thoroughly satisfied bakitza one day.
Becoming Bakitza 